Sometimes you just wanna lay flat on the beach and let go of all the things that ever bothered you...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Can't believe that life moved on so fast. It feels like it was only yesterday that I was just 15, getting all pumped up for my new high school. And then working my ass off for everything just to do my best in everything i can. I ignored and delayed lots of things that a teenager would usually have in their high school. I gave it time. I thought there will be something fair enough en-stored for me. I don't know if I found that 'something' yet. And now here I am, grown up, in my first year of university, on the other side of the world from my family, my home. I am certain that I made the right decision but guess what, not everything works the way one wants it to. It's just like you always have to make a choice. You know when you are so far from your family, that its out of reach, it just hurts. In fact, magnifies a lot of emotions which I would usually don't give a fuck about. I love my life, but I still feel like there is something missing. Maybe its too many things missing. I am only 17, I got the rest of my life ahead of me. So much to experience, so much to do, so much to enjoy in life. No one is ever completely satisfied with what they have. I just try to be happy with what I have and appreciate it, cause you never know you might just loose the best thing you ever had in your life and it just slipped off your hands. My mom always told me I care too much for other people instead of concentrating on myself. And to be honest, mama was right, cause thinking about it now, majority of times caring for others too much has only hurt me in the end. Well obviously not the case with everyone. Besides all the lessons learnt, I will always care above and beyond for people I love and who love me back. I always recall the moment when I saw my dad the last time before he left me at university and was heading back home, making sure I have the best time I can here. I still remember watching him say goodbye to me and I could read through his face. I knew he wanted me to just say "Papa, I don't want to be here, I just want to go back home!". But I tried to be the strongest I could, held myself together and ensured him that I love it here! And now every time I talk to him, I can feel the importance of people who care about you every minute of the day. You know I wasn't really setting too much expectations when starting university. But guess what some of the best things happened to me here. I made some of the best friends I could ever have in my life. And for me, they are my family here now. I couldn't ask for more could I? Its almost 3 months into university and I've been through good, bad, awesome, shitty and fucked up times and guess what who has ALWAYS been there for me? My best friends here. There is a reason why parents insist on having a good company. Cause when you have the right friends for you, you can be certain that you can count on them at anytime and they will be there for you. You know when you're living on your own, starting to be all independent, you need your friends. You need someone who cares. I can't picture myself going through those crazy emotional nights alone, when I cried for hours and my friends were there with me every single minute of it. Life is too precious to waste time on people who don't care about you or use you for their own needs. Cause you know all that time that you wasted on them, you could have just spent it with the people who actually care about you. It is those moments that make up a strong relationship between people. Its like me starting to recall all the arguments I ever had with my parents, and the time I wasted on boys who wouldn't give a fuck about me. But learning from all these mistakes, regrets and insecurities, are the once that make you a grown up.
So its 6 AM and I'm still awake writing my heart out. I know it sounds all sorts of emotional, but hey one day when you fall into the hard times of life, you're gonna remember that this girl was right when she said, care for people who care for you, cause you might just loose them in a blink.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Living in a very materialistic civilization, we believe in dreams, we want to achieve our goals. There are people around the world who have achieved things which were once called 'impossible', perhaps nothing stays impossible since the chain breaks and people set new trends. If we have the guts to dream something, then we MUST be having the strength to make dreams come true. We weren't sent on Earth for no purpose. What we call our 'dream' is our purpose, and we in some or other way, live for it? I have always believed in dreaming what I can achieve, and I can dream everything, and so I can achieve anything I want, if I have the will. Therefore, 'Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.'